The very day after my last post….where I was optimistic, life slapped me in the face hard. Peoples lives were in essence destroyed, trust was lost, flashbacks vivid and memories nauseating. I have recovered for the most part. I still have pity, and anger and lose in my heart. I am worried that family will turn their back on me because they need money and can’t hold a job and have depended on someone else for so long. It already seems to be happening.Its all very frustrating.I am afraid we are about to be evicted from our place.That stress in itself is enough to make you go crazy.When you have other things on top of that, it’s just too much at times. I am sick of being in this financial situation. Hope has been temporarily lost.
So, today I am feeling very overwhelmed. I have felt this way for a couple of days now. I feel like I am in a cage walking from one messy room to another. It’s always the same nothing changes. It’s hard for me to go through most of the day and the entire evening alone to man the house. Sometimes it doesnt really bother me but here lately it has really begun to get under my skin. Not to mention I go to the DR thursday. That has gotten me pretty uptight in the last week. I will be forced or coaxed to talk about my “feelings” and my “problems”. I dont even talk to my husband about them. Which bothers him, but I think he is used to it by now. I am pretty sure the relationship shouldn’t be that way..but it is. On another note, I get really tired of this repetitive cleaning. I know its my job as a stay at home mom, but crap man, it gets old. I wish I had the fortitude to keep it spotless. I dont, its really hard to follow two boys around everywhere they go picking up behind them. I guess I am just lazy. BLAH! Now I must go. I have to iron school clothes, check homework, sign papers, and make their snacks. I should clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and put up some clothes but I just dont want to! Maybe I will anyway….to be continued
